Dreams on Astrays Read online

  As the doorbell rang, I ran to the door and yanked it open. None of us said a word, and my smile reflected on Miri's face.

  It was this moment, I do not know how to explain it, but it was that kind of a friendship, when it did not matter how much time had passed. Time, that did not do any harm to the connection that we had with each other. I am totally convinced that, even if we were not to see each other for years, there would not be an awkward moment. Moments, where you would not know exactly what to say or how to behave and then there would be this strange silence, because you no longer really knew the person. No, for Miri and me it would always be, as if we had seen each other only yesterday, and Miri's smile and the big hug that she gave me confirmed it all.

  "It's great to finally have you here," I whispered softly in Miri's ear.

  My eyes drifted to Sabine. I'm usually good at interpreting glances, but now I was not able to read hers. I pulled out of the hug and held my hand out to Sabine.

  "Hello." That's all I said, eager to see how her reaction would be.

  Inwardly, I had to smile, because Sabine's lips were only a thin line and her eyes were not very friendly.

  When her hand was in mine, none of us wanted to give in and it was a long and rather firm handshake. Sabine quickly then pulled her hand away. I knew that the first round went to me.

  "Now come on in!" I took a step backwards and then sideways. With an elegant gesture I pointed to the apartment.

  "I'll show you first where you can leave your luggage, and then there will be a small guiding tour." Here I smiled at both and nodded.

  When Miri came in, her lips formed a small thank you and I knew that it was for my friendly, although performed behavior towards Sabine.

  After both had put down their suitcases in the bedroom, I began the tour around the apartment and after solid three minutes we were done.

  "This is my home, I know it's small, but it is perfectly enough for me alone. It is small but nice." With the last sentence I shrugged my shoulders once.

  "I would say that Val and I begin to set the table for dinner. Biene, you still wanted to freshen up, hurry up, otherwise we'll start without you." Miri half turned around on her own axis and disappeared into the kitchen.

  I watched Sabine as she looked around the living room until she stopped at me. "Yes indeed, the apartment is small. But nice has another definition for me." And at the last sentence she this time shrugged with her shoulders, just as I had done before. A moment later she turned around and left the room.

  I wanted to say something. But firstly the words stayed stuck in my throat, secondly I had promised Miri that I would try to make peace with Sabine, even if it was for this weekend only. This promise just seemed to have moved in a very far future. Was this even doable?

  Goodness gracious! Courtesy classes apparently didn't take place in your school, right? I really need to show you your limits, Biiiieeeene.

  At the thought of this nickname I could not help but to roll my eyes, I could simply not stand her.

  First I'm going to poke back a bit, so you may be reminded not to treat me this way, and then I'll be a bit friendlier and then mercifully make you a peace offer, and you will accept it with relief and gratitude.

  While we were having dinner we again went through the planning for the weekend.

  "But do not forget that my mother has invited us for tomorrow to eat."

  "That's right. Then I would suggest that we leave in the morning to the warehouse sale and from there directly to your mother. I cannot wait to finally see her again, and the rest of your family."

  Argh! Warehouse sale! The thought alone was enough to destroy any motivation for excursions.

  Endless long driving, hours of digging through clothes that supposedly should be soooo much cheaper. Bulks of women who were there and all were trying to find the best piece! Could I somehow find any reason not having to go there? But then I would have to cancel the get together with my mother, she had already been so much looking forward to reunite with Miri, and the two women did not have a car. Miri did not drive cars she wasn't familiar with, no idea why not, but it had always been like that. So I was obligated, to take both of them there and then to take the two with me to my mother. I saw no way or no good reason to cancel the warehouse outlet, but to still be able to go to my mother's.

  Miri would otherwise be pretty disappointed and sad not being able to go to the warehouse sale, to which she was so much looking forward to. And then on top having to cancel my mother, who in turn looked forward to Miri, was too much for me.

  I wouldn't be able to handle a double bad conscience, just because I did not feel like a warehouse sale.

  I would do it the way I had previously always done it with Chris when she dragged me there. And drag there was the right word.

  One time I just did not want to get out the car and Chris came to the driver's side and pulled me out. What at the end also delighted her, since she bought me a new but sooo cheap blouse? Of course she had to, after all, she had torn my collar when she dragged me out of the car. That it was one of my favorite blouses, did not seem important. It was important that the new blouse was forty percent cheaper than in the regular store. If you wanted to believe the label anyway.

  After this incident Chris left me alone at the warehouse sale and did not drag me from one clothes rack to the next, because I threatened her otherwise to never take her there again. I on top of that found the perfect solution for my future stays.

  I looked for the exasperated husbands of the shopping women and thereby found the sitting room if one was available. Most always nodded to me, it was like the secret handshake of brotherhood, because we shared the same terrible fate. Some I over time even recognized again.

  "Before I forget, we still have a dinner invitation. Chris and Emilia have invited us for Saturday to eat and then we wanted to go to the new club Chima. How do you guys feel about that?"

  Miri turned to Sabine smiling. "What do you say? Food and party, our favorite activities on a Saturday night."

  She just shrugged her shoulders. "Why not. We cannot all three hang out in this small apartment."

  "Yes you are right. For three it really is too small. For two it would be perfect. But you cannot have everything." As I said this, I stared at Sabine. Should I even shrug my shoulders? I didn't. I quickly got up and got the wine glasses. On the way back I stopped behind Sabine, leaned slightly above her, when I put the glasses on the table, and whispered in her ear. "And some have such a big ego that you could get scared because you do not know whether they fit through the doors in such small apartments."

  Sabine slightly flinched, since she had probably not expected this. I felt so glad.

  I dropped back into my chair. "Whoever wants a glass of wine as a perfect finale?" I smiled and looked at Sabine and had to pull myself together to keep from laughing. The strong throbbing carotid artery and the narrow lines around her mouth told me everything and I enjoyed it.

  Sabine got up. "Not for me. I will go to bed; the day was tough enough as it is."

  Miri and I decided to drink the glass of wine in the living room.

  "So tell me, how is your love life?"

  I took a deep breath. "Non-existent!" was my reply.

  Miri smacked me lightly on the shoulder. "I really do not believe this."

  The back of the couch caught me as I leaned back on it. "It unfortunately is true. It's not that I would not get to meet anybody, but there is no special spark. No butterflies in the stomach, no racing heart. I do not know it either. Slowly, I am afraid that I am condemned to stay alone."

  "Do we necessarily need these butterflies or the heart racing? Get to know her first, the rest will follow naturally. Now seriously Val, love at first sight, does not exist!"

  But I do want this heart racing before, this interest in the other. This nervousness when I have finally overcome to speak to her. The racing heart, the sweaty palms, the pounding of t
he heart in the chest, and all of this because you walk towards her; and this nervous smile, that you just have no control over. Love at first sight exists, and some other love takes longer and keeps evolving with time. Both can be deep and intense, without a question, but I want it to be at first sight ...

  I had expected that she would cheer me up and have said something like: "You just have not found the right one yet. Take your time." Or: "Most of the time it happens when you least expect it" or anything else, some stereotype stuff. But I had not expected anything like that.

  I jumped up from the sofa and stood up in front of her. "Pfff, of course this exists!" To emphasize my point even stronger, I pushed my fists on my hips.

  A better example than that of Chris did not exist. I told her of Chris that had always brought me back to reality and had told me that there was no such thing like love at first sight until it happened to herself one day and she was absolutely powerless about it. And I told more of Chris and Emilia. Of how Chris had first felt her before she even saw Emilia for the first time. As they had lost sight of each other.

  Like fate then brought them together again. The misunderstanding on Christine's side and of her accident. That all these things were just coincidences, but meant to happen so that the two met over and over again until one of them, back then it was Emilia, finally found the courage and showed up at our travel agency, and how happy they were to this day.

  Now I stood in front of Miri and looked at her. Now she should have an explanation for all of this - and I expected an answer. She knew that, she knew me that well after all.

  In a conciliatory gesture Miri lifted her hands. "Phew, I cannot oppose anything to that." Miri looked at me smiling, then she looked over to the clock that hung in the living room. "I did not realize how late it is." She got up and hugged me briefly. "See you tomorrow morning. Do not give up hope, I believe in you."

  Satisfied with myself and my newfound enthusiasm I settled down on the sofa. After a certain time, however, that little, annoying voice piped up in my head and asked me if I really thought that I would ever find this luck.

  I sighed to myself. This stubborn voice made sure that I would not be able to go to sleep for a while now.

  Friday

  Since the rush in the office was over and only very few customers appeared, Chris wanted me not to come to the office for the next two days. It would mostly anyway just be paperwork to complete which she always did anyway, and she wanted me to relax a bit since the weekend would be stressful enough.

  I rather believed that it was calculated. Chris currently spent a lot of time in front of the computer, but when I walked by, I heard the click of the mouse and saw a blank screen. This made me even more curious, as I have been by nature anyway. This clicking away the window and the subsequent blank screen, that was the most obvious way to hide something. So I put myself to watch and tried to be as quiet as possible to sneak past Chris. After all, she should not notice that I was curious and wanted to know what she was doing the whole time. She should believe that everything was fine, and then miss to close the window in time.

  When Chris' eyes were persistently fixed on the monitor and she kept clicking with her pen, I knew she was deep in thought.

  I had snuck quietly into the kitchen. Chris noticed me too late and I saw that she was looking at a spa resort. Hadn't she closed the site that quickly and looked at me with frightened eyes, I wouldn't even have noticed. I would have assumed that she was looking at it for a customer. But this way she told on herself.

  I knew it!

  The two days that she wanted to give me off now, were preparing for her to go on holidays with Emilia. A bit of work ahead, and to calm her guilty conscience. Chris quickly got a bad conscience if she had to leave me by myself in the office, it was her nature to worry about everyone and everything, wanting to please everyone. Why have friends then? I would do just so, and be glad for them, if they wanted to go on vacation for some time. But this was just Chris. She wanted to give me these two days, which I only accepted reluctantly. But for Chris' sake I agreed.

  * * *

  My thoughts had left me alone only at about two in the morning last night and I was glad I could sleep now. I had been so deeply asleep that I was suddenly wide awake and confused. I knew immediately that I woke up because of anything unusual, my body still felt the adrenaline rush. But why I woke up and was suddenly wide awake, I had no idea.

  A few seconds later I knew it. The slamming of the cabinets and the clanking of dishes in the kitchen were the reason. I turned to the side and could see Sabine tampering around in the kitchen. If that was not on purpose! Miri stuck her head into the living room. "I'm glad you're already awake. Would you like to have breakfast with us?"

  I just shook my head. Only after I had downed the first cup of coffee, I could talk.

  "Okay, you also have white bread?"

  Damn, I had forgotten to buy white bread! I knew that I had forgotten something. Just what it was had not occurred to me.

  Sabine walked past and said, "Miri, don't have such high standards!"

  That was it, I angrily jumped up from the sofa and walked out of the living room. They should better leave me alone now. I would drink my coffee I in the office and remain there until I could be sure that the two were gone.

  * * *

  Chris looked at me questioningly, when I showed up at the travel agency and sat down across from her desk. I couldn't take it for a long time and jumped up. I told her everything and let my frustrations out. Chris listened to me the whole time. Why she snatched the pen container so quickly to the side, was inexplicable to me. My hands just moved close by it while I was talking. There was really no danger that I would knock it over.

  When I was finished telling my stories, Chris smiled at me. "Done?"

  I took a deep breath and wanted to say something, but no sound came out of my mouth. I let the air out again, and my shoulders slumped down, while I nodded.

  Chris didn't add anything and I spent half the day trying to walk around the office to clean up the kitchen and to replenish the printer. I did everything possible to kill time.

  "Valerie, it's a quarter to thrrrrrrree!"

  I had to laugh when Chris tried to roll the R. It sounded as if she had a hot potato in the mouth. Her and I knew that it was an allusion to the days when Chris always walked off at ten to three to pick up coffee because she was seeing Emilia in the coffee shop, but didn't have the courage to speak to her. At that time, I was the one that made fun about it, and now it was Chris who retaliated.

  "Do not forget dinner at our house tomorrow night," Chris added quickly, before I walked out the door.

  "Okay." That was the day I held as my constant reminder. A nice meal with friends, which in turn meant enough distraction. Then we would go to the club and I would enjoy myself and forget everything else. Maybe I was also lucky enough to meet my soul mate that night. And that, so I thought, I had finally deserved.

  * * *

  Miri and Sabine appeared thirty minutes late at the appointed meeting place. Exhausted and with fast steps they got to the parking lot.

  Both immediately jumped into the car.

  "Sorry. The meeting went longer than expected." Miri tried to buckle up quickly, but by the fierce and fast pulling she over and over blocked the belt, only after the fifth time pulling it she finally managed to buckle up. This delay messed up their schedule. And thirty minutes probably meant the world for two when it came to shopping. Not simple shopping, no, a clearance sale!

  "No problem," I said quite relaxed. "Which way do I have to go?"

  Miri directed me through the streets, because both supposedly knew the way. This apparently was a misconception.

  "When do we need to be at your mother's? Go right up there."

  "About six o'clock."

  "Right!" Miri yelled. "Right!"

  "That's right!" I yelled back.

  "The other right!"
/>   While I yanked the steering wheel to the left, where apparently the other right was for some women, I said, "That's left! How can this be so hard?"

  The other drivers honked, but we had made it. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that Sabine had turned pale. I didn't care, for me, this way of driving was normal, after all, I had learned to drive in Spain. Miri was not irritated by it either, she was used to my driving style.

  "I thought AT six," Sabine said.

  Sabine didn't know any better, and I tried not to roll my eyes when I looked in the rearview mirror. So I explained it to her. "No, she said about six. Which means, we don't need to show up there before six thirty ... "

  "Eyes on the road!"

  I continued driving unimpressed, slowly looked back on the road and had to stop myself from smiling. "If we punctually arrive at six o'clock, my mother will be angry because she's still in the middle of preparations. We will also be the first ones to get there, and then we will wait for over half an hour for all the others. That's just how it is with us."

  Miri already smiled when she said: "We're almost there."

  It was the last stretch of road, when Miri yelled: "Stop".

  Since no car was behind us and we just had driven in the one-way street, I stopped.

  "We would have had to go left back there."

  "Yes, and now it is too late. We will drive a little bit further and then we will make a U-turn at the next opportunity."

  "Then we will come out all the way back there." Miri vigorously moved her hand including her arm in the direction opposed to our destination.

  I turned around and looked through the rear window, still no car, and it was just three hundred meters, what really could happen? So I put the car into reverse and drove off. Shortly before the end, or rather the beginning of the one-way street, it slammed, the car stopped and I got off the gas.